Raw

      It has just been a week after the most cruel day of the year, and the pain makes it seem that I've been this way for months. I've been going out with friends daily, trying to conceal the tears for now, listening to their stories instead and sharing moments with them so I wouldn't really feel how sad I am.

It is such a struggle everyday, knowing he won't be with me for the next days, months and years of my life. I never saw this coming, that we would part ways because I really believed in us.

I still do. The feeling is too strong I don't know if it would ever go away. I have never loved anyone this much, I love him with my whole heart and soul. I thought that was enough. I though I was enough.

I don't know if I should blame him for all that I'm enduring right now, I know he really loved me, I just don't know when and why his feelings just suddenly fluctuated, wavered. It is painful not to know, and it would also be painful if I would get the answers. Because in the end, one thing would still be true, he stopped loving me when I know I would never stop loving him.

I just want all the pain to go away, I cry and pray every night, praying that I could get through every day, knowing that I've lost him.

In time, the pain that cuts right through my heart will heal. Maybe not soon, but I believe in time I'll be okay.