I wake up to the sound of my family from the other room busily making arrangements for today's occasion, and a message from her. It's the twelfth of December, and today's one of those mornings that I have to face with a heavy feeling on my chest. Mom peeks at my door and tells me to get ready. I stand up even if my knees are wobbling. Here goes nothing.
I walk to the small kitchen to prepare coffee and a light breakfast for myself. I sit alone, a bit shivering as I put my legs against my chest and hug them. I hold the hot cup of coffee above my knees and stare at the dark liquid. Minutes after, a tear drops on it, and I wipe my face instantly and breathe deeply. This is harder that I thought it would be.
I take a bath, change into my black slacks and camiso de chino. I stare at the mirror and look intently at myself. I look down at the bedside table and see the box of rings. I hold it tightly, and remember that certain green box that also held two rings years ago. I check my necklace and touch one of the old rings attached to it. My older brother suddenly knocks at my door and tells me... it's time. I smile at myself in the mirror.
I take a bath, let myself stay in the bath tub longer to relax myself. But I stand up because the cold starts creeping up my veins. I dry myself and look intently in the mirror then walk back to my room. I put on my dress and shoes slowly, walk to the door of my hotel room, hold its knob as I sob endlessly.
I walk outside the beach house and drag myself to get to the other side of the shore. Everyone smiles and looks at me as I pass by the aisle decorated with lilies. I stand beside the altar, look at my feet and fiddle with my fingers. Music suddenly plays and I look up to see her, glowing yet in tears. She knows what is going through my mind. She stands near me, and says everything to me with a painful smile. I smile back and whisper sorry, then I run past her. I hope I'm still not too late.
I cry in regret for an hour, sitting in front of my door. I cradle myself as I feel stabs of pain through my chest. I lost him once, and I'm losing him again at this very moment. I feel the ring trapped between my dress and skin and I try to hold it when I hear a knock on the door. I gather all the energy I have left to stand up and open it.
I see disbelief and joy all at once on the face of the woman I love when she sees me. I waste no time and I hug her like the first time I did, pressing her body tightly against mine, feeling her heartbeat. We need no words to speak, no explanations to hear.
We may have lost each other before, but I know, we know, this time... it's our time.
We may have lost each other before, but I know, we know, this time... it's our time.
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