I don't even know what it is. I didn't even ask him what it was. I guess I was scared. I guess... I was afraid to know the truth.

All I know is that everything felt right at that time.

Seeing him like it's always the first time. Laughing out loud like kids. Talking in different accents. Holding his hands. Holding him. Alternately singing songs.

But somehow, it seems like it's over, like we lost it, whatever it was. Or if we even had anything.

Now there's a gap between us, made up of awkwardness and my confused emotions.

And that's something that I really don't want to happen.

Thinking of all these just kills me.

I can't sleep.