I've wanted to write about work, about how I miss friends, about my Ilocandia trip with #TheJeep, about frustrations and dreams, but whenever I start typing, I can't finish my posts.
But with a little push from my tall, enthusiastic friend, here I am, trying.
Now what do I write about?
I'm a coward. Oh yes, I am a big, big coward.
And I've been a scaredy cat for a long, long time and for a lot of things.
I don't know how to take risks. I always stay on the safe ground.
I hug people a lot. I try to be with people who matter to me but sometimes, I am at a loss for words and emotion, and I don't really make them feel that I am there.
I talk a lot but I don't have the guts to say out loud what I really want to say. To mean all the words that come out of my mouth, to get it out of my chest and let myself be heard.
I work really hard but I always think about my limitations rather than my capabilities.
I always stand on the edge of a cliff, not minding that I am always holding a rope to help myself get across.
My mind and soul's been weak but I realize that the moment you doubt yourself is the same moment that you let your faith be shaken.
And I don't want that.
Just like what my "mentors/geniuses" have been telling me, I have to get out of the box and try and discover what more I can do.
I even asked sir Cesar Apolinario how could I fulfill let myself be heard with my voice sounding like a can being crushed or kicked.
And he answered, "Eh di paingayin mo yung lata."
And just yesterday during Visita Iglesia, a girl was handing out Bible verses outside a church in Pampanga and I got this one as if God was speaking to me, answering all the questions in my head:
"Let your speech always be with grace...that you may know how you ought to answer each one." - Colossians 4: 6
And from then on, I chose to believe. In myself. In the power of chances, responsibilities. In the power of words.
No, I don't promise through this blog that I will audition to be a reporter like what my family and friends wanted to. I don't deny that it had always been my dream but I still don't don't feel that now is the right time to do it.
Who knows, maybe I won't do it, or maybe someday or soon, I will.
But what I am sure of is that from now on, I chose to write and speak without fear.
I chose to to give life to words so they may be felt and heard.