And so tonight, I write.

And no, I'm not back to write the saddest lines. I've just really been wanting to write the past few months but I always don't have the luxury of time and energy to do so.

I've wanted to write about work, about how I miss friends, about my Ilocandia trip with #TheJeep, about frustrations and dreams, but whenever I start typing, I can't finish my posts.

But with a little push from my tall, enthusiastic friend, here I am, trying.

Now what do I write about?

I'm a coward. Oh yes, I am a big, big coward.

And I've been a scaredy cat for a long, long time and for a lot of things.

I don't know how to take risks. I always stay on the safe ground.

I hug people a lot. I try to be with people who matter to me but sometimes, I am at a loss for words and emotion, and I don't really make them feel that I am there.

I talk a lot but I don't have the guts to say out loud what I really want to say. To mean all the words that come out of my mouth, to get it out of my chest and let myself be heard.

I work really hard but I always think about my limitations rather than my capabilities.

I always stand on the edge of a cliff, not minding that I am always holding a rope to help myself get across.

My mind and soul's been weak but I realize that the moment you doubt yourself is the same moment that you let your faith be shaken.

And I don't want that.

Just like what my "mentors/geniuses" have been telling me, I have to get out of the box and try and discover what more I can do.

I even asked sir Cesar Apolinario how could I fulfill let myself be heard with my voice sounding like a can being crushed or kicked.

And he answered, "Eh di paingayin mo yung lata." 

And just yesterday during Visita Iglesia, a girl was handing out Bible verses outside a church in Pampanga and I got this one as if God was speaking to me, answering all the questions in my head:

"Let your speech always be with grace...that you may know how you ought to answer each one." - Colossians 4: 6 

And from then on, I chose to believe. In myself. In the power of chances, responsibilities. In the power of words.

No, I don't promise through this blog that I will audition to be a reporter like what my family and friends wanted to. I don't deny that it had always been my dream but I still don't don't feel that now is the right time to do it.

Who knows, maybe I won't do it,  or maybe someday or soon, I will.

But what I am sure of  is that from now on, I chose to write and speak without fear.

I chose to to give life to words so they may be felt and heard.

Creepiest Lines from Interviewees

I've been GMA NewsTV Quick Response Team's remote producer for almost a year and I've booked hundred of interviews for sir Jiggy Manicad.

And so far, these are the creepiest lines interviewees said to me off cam.

"What soft hands you have." 

While talking about corrupt politicans: "Ako 'di ako corrupt. Bigyan mo na lang ako ng pera, tapos takas tayo." 

"Ang ganda naman ng mga mata mo." 

"Dalaga ka 'no? Alam ko amoy ng dalaga eh...mabango." 

On Valentine's Day: "Walang date si Rep. _________, gusto mo ikaw na lang date niya? Sabihin ko na sa kanya ah." 

"Ahhh sige standby lang ako dito sa office. Akyat ka muna." 

"Ay siya ba mag-iinterview? Kung ikaw sana, mas papayag ako eh." 

"Ma'am gusto mo sumama ka muna? Coffee tayo." 

"Sige na nga miss Apple. Okay na.Cute mo kasi eh." 

"Sige ingat ka mam. Mamimiss kita."