The title says it all, I am not good with goodbyes.
I was just four years old when my dad went left for the last time to work in Saudi Arabia. I didn't even know where that place was back then so I just smiled as I waved him goodbye. Little did I know, my dad was sobbing inside the taxi, looking at his innocent little girl who wasn't aware that he'd be gone for years.
When my grandmother died when I was about ten years old, I didn't cry when she was removed from the ICU. I was silent all throughout her wake. I only broke down at the side of our car after her burial.
One of my best friends, Charlyn, left for the U.S. when we were in first year college. Our whole barkada was able to take her to the airport yet days had to pass before we realized that we could only hangout with her through Yahoo! Video Chat from then on. (We weren't still aware at that time that Skype existed.)
2008 came and I was in third year college. Edward left for Canada on December 15, his birthday. I wasn't able to take him to the airport since he told me to still attend my classes. I cried outside our classroom that day. I had high fever for a week. I cried for months. I admit I still cry from time to time.
After college, my almost childhood friend Nadine also migrated to Canada. I kept on asking my dad to take me to her house the night before her flight but he refused to. I didn't even get to see her or hug her months before she left.
And just 2 hours ago, one of my best friends, Elle who I've known for more than 10 years, left to move to New York. I can't help but be emotional.
For years, I didn't know how to deal with sadness that came with departure,separation and death.
But as years passed, I've noticed that goodbyes happen everyday, that goodbyes are inevitable.
And in that realization, I've grown accustomed to sadness, embraced it, and translated it to strength.
All that matters now is that I'll always remember all the old hellos I've had with the people who said goodbye.
And who knows, maybe I could say hello to them again soon, and also get new hellos along the way.