Hard to write smiles

I've been re-reading my blog posts and I noticed that I keep writing stuff about missing people, depressing thoughts and whatever's troubling me at that moment. And honestly, I hate it.

It's because when I read them, the negative feeling just keep on coming back, haunting me like nightmares or probably ghosts roaming around my mind.

I miss the times I write entries in Multiply about how my day went, silly things that my friends and I did, or simple suprises or blessing that I encounter everyday. I miss just going on and on about my day, typing away my thoughts and the things that happened to me.

I guess the fear of getting my posts criticized is now back with me that everytime I write, I keep on thinking if I have errors and people would think I should not have created a blog because I don't write well.

Or maybe.. maybe because I remember one poem we read in our Literature class with Madame Lopez that happiness is just so hard to put into words.

Yes, I think it is hard because sometimes words are not enough to express the ecstacy you feel; how light your heart weighs. It's as if you just want to be contained with that happiness, vanish your depressed self in it and just linger on that moment when nothing matters but the smile on your face, the laughter of the people you are with and the glow of the surroundings you are in-- rather than spend your time writing about it and then through the process, you lose the joy.

Still, sometimes I wish I could write about it happiness again so when I backtrack my posts, all I could remember are cheerful memories and maybe when people read my posts, I could pass on my happiness to them. :)

I want my happy self back.