Don't Look For Love

The title itself, is one of the grandest things I learned this year, and is also that one thing I didn't quite practice.

You see, I was stupid. So stupid that I myself didn't even realize until the world shook me. I kept on trying and trying to find that love that I think could heal or make me forget the things or that person that had changed my life in such a brief time. 

I tried to date and get to know other guys, thinking I have already moved on. I've been in another relationship and after a few months I realized that actually, it's never going to be enough that someone is just there, or what other might say, someone "owns" you and you, "own" him. First, company can never compensate for true understanding; for being with someone who really knows you and can be there for you even without saying a word, or that someone who you can be yourself with. Second, nobody can ever own another; you only own yourself. 

I was impatient. I tried to develop feelings that I know couldn't even materialize because deep inside me, I know I didn't want to feel them. 

This could be mean or selfish of me, but there was this one time I tried to get know this person, I really didn't feel anything, and I know he felt the same way. I was looking at him and in my mind I was telling myself "like him, he's nice..etc.", but every freaking time I looked at him, I saw another person and my heart shouted "Save me, take me away from here". 

Don't get me wrong, I don't regret knowing these people, They've taught me a lesson or two. But what I regret is that I tried to look for love when what's true is that it finds you. 

And up to now, I believe in such a bittersweet way that love found me three years ago, during that one cold night in November in front of the UST church. 

All it took was a handshake and a nervous hello, and I knew we found each other. 

And I hope he'll find me again 'coz I'm not going anywhere. 


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