How can I thank you enough?

I was supposed to write you a handwritten letter for today, but you frankly know that I have really ugly penmanship.  I was supposed to record my message for you but I can't finish it without crying because I am a crybaby so here I am writing a blog for you.

I remember that one day. I think I was still in college then. I was sleeping on the couch that afternoon. I woke up and the first person I saw was you. I think you were chopping some food, or mixing something in a bowl while the sunlight was directly shining on your face. I stared at you for a few seconds then I just noticed tears were flowing on my face. Then you suddenly looked at me and I quickly wiped the tears off of my face and smiled at you. Then you smiled back.

I cried because I suddenly thought "What if this was the last time I get to see you?" And that thought scares the shit out of me though I know time will come that losing you would be inevitable.

 I cried because I was scared of losing you at a time when I still haven't done enough for you.

I know you don't like the idea of people paying you back in kind for any of the things you've done. And I know that all the things you've done for us and the things you still do, you do them selflessly. But I just stop thinking of ways on how I can thank you enough.

I don't know how to thank you for all your sacrifices. For waking up everyday to do things not for yourself but for us. For working and living for us. You just don't get tired of being the greatest mother, you just don't get tired of loving us in any and every way possible.

And your were not just a mother to us. You've been our enemy, good friend, drinking buddy, karaoke mate, doctor, doctor love and our clown. You've been everything a person can wish for as a mom.

I may have made finished school, found a job and took you out to dinners and other places, but I know I can never measure up to the love you've given me, you've given us.  I'll never be enough and I'll never be perfect.

I've hurt you so many times I know. For being lazy,  disobedient, disrespectful. For sometimes not treating you like my mother. And I know you've cried so many times because of me. And I'm sorry if I caused you pain. Please know in your heart that seeing you cry is one of the most painful scenes for me.

 But just like how that one song goes, I hope I make you proud. I hope I make you feel loved. I hope I've lived up to your expectations and made your dreams for me come true because I live for that purpose.

I live to make you happy.

I don't want to make any promises but I hope one day, you'll look at us and you can say to yourself that you have done a great job for raising such wonderful children.

Because for me, I always look up to God and say to Him that I must have done such great things in my past lives to have you as my mom in this lifetime.

I still have a lot of things to say to you but I can't write well with these tears in my eyes. 

Happy, happy Mother's day, Mama! 

Mahal na mahal kita mama, alam mo yan! <3